I found this list at StopGeek.com and I just HAD to post it, since I laughed my fit arse off!!
01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.
07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Labels Dyke Fun, Politics, The World Around Me
Basically there are two points to each of these Propositions:
1) Marriage is between one man and one woman
and
2) All other unions are invalid
Up until recently marriage has only been legal between a man and a woman, so no change there. But now we are deciding that any other type of union is not allowed, thus banning any and all domestic partnerships. You can read that as "banning gay marriage".
So to strengthen Straight Marriage you have to do two things:
1) Proclaim what already exists (status quo or the obvious)
and
2) Deny the same rights you have to another group of people (ahem, didn't we used to call this discrimination?)
Now if we take the divorce rate as a guide for the strength of Straight Marriage let's look at the Straight Marriage track record. Over the last couple of decades it has wavered between just over 40% and just over 50%, depending on whose numbers you use and what conditions they use in calculating their numbers. Let's just say that 4 out of every 10 Straight Marriages end in divorce, that's using the "good" numbers. So almost half of Straight Marriages end in divorce. Now, let's look at gay marriages. Well we've only allowed gay marriages for a short amount of time, but their divorce rate seems to be less than 1 out of 10 or less than 10% of Gay Marriages end in divorce. So Gay Marriage seems to be a long stronger than Straight Marriage.
Now what happens to the divorce rate when gay marriage is banned? Well, the gay divorce rates become 0 and the straight divorce rates stay the same at 40-50%. Hmmmm, comparatively speaking that does strengthen Straight Marriages because you don't have anything else to compare it with, see those Propositions do work, comparatively speaking!
So how do we REALLY strengthen Straight Marriage, well that's easy. You make sure that people who want to get married have really thought about whether or not they want to stay with the person they want to marry for the rest of their lives. And in America nothing strikes fear into the hearts of most straight couples than SPENDING MONEY! So here's how we all strengthen Straight Marriage.
PROPOSITION 96
1) Couples who wish to marry have to pay a marriage tax of $1,000 each which goes directly into the Social Security system. NO EXCEPTIONS!
2) Couples who wish to divorce have to pay a divorce tax of $2,500 each which goes directly into the Social Security system. In the case of mental or physical abuse the guilty party is responsible for paying both taxes. NO EXCEPTIONS!
3) These taxes are due in full upon issuance of a Marriage Licence or a Divorce.
The goal of this proposition is to make people think. Too many people rush into and out of marriage because it has become simple and easy to do so. If there were immediate financial consequences to both parties involved it would make them think about marriage before rushing into it. In effect, many would have to save up to get married. This would give them time to get to know the person they want to marry and make a more informed decision. Likewise with divorce, since there would be a considerable financial toll many would think twice about getting a divorce unless they were sure it was want they really wanted.
Using very conservative figures there are 2 million marriages and 1 million divorces each year. That's $4 Billion from marriages and $5 Billion from divorces or a total of $9 Billion added to the Social Security coffers EACH YEAR! Not only would this strengthen Straight Marriage, but it would also help shore up the Social Security system as well! Two birds with one stone.
What do you mean, that's discrimination against straight people who want to get married? No, no, no, you misunderstand, we're not discriminating, we're strengthening! Since the next step is to ban gay adoptions and gay foster parents the government is going to have to spend a lot more money on the care and feeding of all those children. Not to mention having to pay to support them in jail when they grow up as wards of the state with no morals and no family and turn to gangs and a life of crime. So this is just a way of insuring that the government has the money to support these children.
I believe that everyone: straight, gay, bisexual, lesbian, and transgendered would vote for such a proposition, because it truly would strengthen straight marriage!
You see, the slippery path that you have placed your feet on when you decide to legislate discrimination. That sword has two edges, be very sure you want to wield it!